A Game of Go in the Car Park

IF you watched a madwoman crawling across the seats of a car, it was probably me and, unlikely though it sounds, there is a logical explanation.

Having left my VW Golf in the local Asda car park, I returned to find it wedged firmly between two large 4x4s, each spilling out over the white lines into MY space.

On the driver’s side the other vehicle was so close it was impossible to get through the gap to reach the door.

The approach to the passenger door looked slightly easier, so I took a deep breath, sucked in my stomach, flattened myself against the bodywork and slid sideways towards my target.

Success – or so I thought. My hopes were quickly dashed. The skinniest of anorexic Size 0 celebrities would have been unable to squeeze through the minuscule aperture when I opened the door.

I thought about trying to crawl through the boot, but abandoned the idea – I was much too scared of getting trapped!

Eventually I managed to manoeuvre myself through the rear passenger door and clambered across to the driver’s seat.

Then, of course, I had to reverse, out without bumping or scratching the vehicles on either side of me – although it could be argued that a driver who parks so close to another conveyance jolly well deserves some kind of damage.

The procedure was further complicated because the 4x4s were not only too wide for the spaces they occupied - they were also too long, blocking my view of oncoming traffic.

And in the row behind me, looming perilously close, were even more of these wretched automobiles.

Having escaped, I made my way to Hobbycraft, where exactly the same thing happened and once again boxed in by drivers with very large vehicles and very small brains.

Fortunately one of them returned and moved his car, but why do people want to park like that? Do they simply not care? Are they hiding somewhere, laughing at my struggles as I try to get into my car? Or is it some strange kind of game, Like Chinese Go, but using vehicles rather than counters to surround an opponent?

Anyway, I was so furious I decided a Wednesday Whinge was the only course of action, even though I wrote about the problem last summer when I was doing my Grumpy Old Woman column for the Tamworth Herald.

I’ve resurrected that piece, with some alterations, and am now considering launching another campaign (in addition to the ones for protecting the English language).
This time I will use my trusty red pen to note vehicle numbers, so I can name and shame the drivers – and I will write to shops and councils urging them to solve the problem by creating larger parking spaces.